Head Pete wanted!

Note, 

Sinterklaas (Saint Nicholas) is a Dutch feast for children, similar to Christmas. Sinterklaas helpers are called (Black) Pete. Every year the popular Sinterklaas journaal (Saint Nicholas News) reports on the exploits of Sinterklaas and his helpers. Due to some controverse over the past 10 years the appearance of the Pete characters have changed a bit into sooted rather than black. And the black wigs changed from curly to more varied  hairstyles. 

 

Sinterklaas was a bit worried, Head Pete had decided to call it quits. What to do now? Place an advertisement? Sinterklaas would soon travel to the Netherlands again, time was running out.

“And every year things go wrong again” grumbled the good Saint,
“I need a capable person to put things in order”

Sint made an advertisement with clear job requirements and had it hung up in public places here and there. A knight, travelling through Europe, arrived at an inn one day and saw the advertisement hanging on the wall. A holy man looking for help for a children's party? The knight himself had a whole bunch of children and loved them all equally. And looking after the Saints horse was a job he could easily tackle. Maybe he should pay this Saint Nicholas a visit? He decided to travel to the low countries on his black steed. The knight had a striking appearance, he liked black leather clothing and had black, somewhat messy hair and a bit of a stubble. He could easily pass for a Black Pete with the current requirements. But he had never heard of Black Petes. He thought it would be a interesting challenge to work for a Saint for those few weeks. He soon arrived at the stately home where Saint Nicholas was staying. About 7 children between the ages of 3 and 7 had travelled with him. While the knight went looking for Saint Nicholas, the children continued to play on the lawn and entertained themselves by practicing with wooden swords or running after a football. It looked like these children were accustomed to play outside doing sporty activities. The knight smiled proudly.

"I'm going to have a talk with Saint Nicholas," he said.
"Alright pappy," the children replied.

The knight walked up the stairs to the entrance of the stately home, inside the hall he found a number of sooty Petes, they were a bit startled when they saw the sturdy knight enter and backed away a bit. The knight introduced himself politely and asked where he could find Saint Nicholas. Crazy Pete showed him where he had to go. The Petes made a rather childish impression on the knight, he snorted a little disdainfully but then the  thought came to him how noble it was for Saint Nicholas to hire people with a slight disability. Greasy Pete noticed the children playing on the lawn.

“Where do they come from?” he asked.

“They're mine.” the knight said proudly. “It's about a children's party, isn't it? So I thought I could bring a few.”

Welles Pete counted 7 children. “Did your wife have twins?”

“That's right, Kelley and Brimbor are twins” the knight nodded and as if it were the most normal thing in the world, “I have 9 children with 5 mistresses. These are the youngest.”

“Oh” the Petes giggled but judging by the wildly attractive appearance of the knight that wasn't that surprising.

“You will keep an eye on things?”

“Yes, sir knight,” promised the helpers. They looked at the man in admiration.

Sinterklaas was sitting behind his desk, bent over the big book. No suitable candidate had yet applied for the vacancy of Head Pete. What was that? Did he hear the sound of children's voices? Sinterklaas wanted to get up and walk over to the window when there was a loud knock on the door.

“Come in!” 

A tall gentleman dressed in black leather  entered.

“My name is Sir Guy, I'm here for the vacancy of.. Head Pete?”

Sinterklaas immediately noticed this was the type of person with a firm hand.

“I understand it's about a children's feast?” Sir Guy continued. “That's why I brought a few.”

“Ah, are these the voices I hear?” Sinterklaas remarked, “But usually we go to the children ourselves instead of them coming to me.”

“Doesn’t matter, they're sturdy kids who can handle a job, my Lord” the knight thought.

Sinterklaas asked whose children they were, Sir Guy replied:

“They're mine” he named each child, their age and who the mother was. Two children had been adopted.

“Oh, you have been busy.” Sinterklaas remarked.

“Sorry, my Lord, but celibacy is not for me” Sir Guy said and added that he did live piously according to Christian standards and observed the 7 rules of mercy. Sinterklaas was very pleased to hear that.

“How about your horse, my Lord?” Sir Guy asked. “I can take care of that”

The knight wasted no time and showed that he knew how to tackle things.

“Thank you Sir Guy but I already have the horses Pete, who works in the stable” said Sinterklaas.

“A horse Pete? You mean these guys in jester clothes who look a bit unwashed?”

“That’s caused by the soot from the chimneys." Sinterklaas tried to explain.

“I'd like to help you, my Lord but I can’t wear those clothes, I’m not a fool,” Sir Guy indicated. “We could negotiate about that.. soot smear.”

Sir Guy wore eyeliner. He called it Guyliner himself.

“How about that activist group? Outlaws that disrupt your arrivals? PUKE I believe they are called, I think I can deal with them.” Sir Guy drew his sword.

Sinterklaas was a bit startled and quickly said the local city guard could take care of that.

“Hm” Guy grumbled, he would have liked some action. He put his sword away, then he asked:

"My Lord, do you have bedsteads in this house? My children are used to sleep in those”

“Do you mean box beds? I believe so” Sinterklaas answered and asked where the mothers of the children were.

“They're at home on the estate of Mandeville DuBois and have enough to do there. During this journey it's my turn to look after them now. What do you actually write down in that book? Good and bad deeds of each child?”

“Good and bad deeds of the children? No, I make a list of the presents I wil give them!” Sinterklaas said with a smile.

“Do you give them presents when they have been naughty?” Sir Guy asked in surprise.

According to Saint Nicholas, there were no naughty children. And he had also abolished the rod!

“I don’t think giving them a beating is necessary, but they should learn some respect! My children are reprimanded when necessary, but more often I give them a hug.”

Sir Guy didn’t realise he had landed in a society where children were mainly pampered and spoiled. Even this holy man seemed to have lost some of its authority. Suddenly there was the sound of breaking glass. Saint Nicholas was startled. A football rolled across the carpet. Sir Guy picked it up and said:

“What a mess, don’t you have shutters?”

Saint Nicholas was surprised, he had thought Sir Guy would burst into a rage and call his children to order.

"I'll have a look at what's going on," sir Guy said calmly and left the room. Outside he discovered that Sinterklaas' helpers had played football with his children. Silly welles Pete couldn't aim that well and had kicked the ball through the window. Sir Guy ordered welles Pete to clear up the glass. He immediately set to work. Sir Guy went to the shed and found a piece of wood. His eldest children helped putting it in the frame of the broken window. Saint Nicholas nodded approvingly. A glazier had to fix it later. Saint Nicholas was well insured but Sir Guy wasn't aware of such things.

Although Sinterklaas had not yet decided whether Sir Guy was suitable as Head Pete, Guy apparently had. He asked Saint Nicholas where the room with the box beds were and called the other children over. In the kitchen he prepared a pot of soup. He ordered the kitchen Pete to cut the vegetables. Without any grumbling kitchen Pete fulfilled the order. When the soup was ready, they all sat round the table. Sir Guy said a word of thanks to the Lord. Sinterklaas secretly looked around the corner and nodded with satisfaction.

The next day, Guy's children were up early. They wanted to collect eggs and went looking for the chicken coop but could not find it anywhere. Back in the kitchen they said:

“Pappy, we haven't found any eggs”

Kitchen Pete had to laugh and opened the pantry, containing hundreds of eggs in egg cartons.

“They are delivered every day by the chicken farmer.” he explained, they needed a lot of them to prepare gingerbread and other Sinterklaas delicacies.

“My children are used to collect fresh eggs” Sir Guy told.

“Pappy I have found medlars!”

“Hooray medlar” the children shouted happily. “Yeah medlarsauce!”

Sir Guy praised his son, the child handed out the fruits to his brothers and sisters.

After a light breakfast, Sir Guy asked kitchen Pete if he could use some help. Making small gingerbread cookies was on the agenda. Guy assigned the three oldest children to help.

“At home they always help their mothers in the kitchen.” he explained.

Soon they were busy making the dough. One of the children had a medlar left and secretly added the pulp to the dough when kitchen Pete wasn’t looking. The children giggled at each other. The door opened and a man came in wearing a blue Pete costume.

“Hello!" he sounded quasi cheerful. "Is this an episode of great British Bake-off Kidzz?” 

“Hi Head Pete, have you come back?” kitchen Pete asked in surprise.

“Back? Have I been away then?”

Kitchen Pete beckoned Head Pete and whispered to him:

“Well, Sinterklaas has appointed a knight in your place, that knight has also brought a whole bunch of kids with him.”

He nodded to his kitchen helpers, who were rolling the gingerbread cookies and putting them on a baking tray.

“A knight?” Head Pete asked in surprise. “Oh, well than I have to have a quick chat with Sinterklaas about that.”

The children looked at one another, what were that gentleman and kitchen Pete  chatting about? Meanwhile Sir Guy had gone over to the gift room with the other 4 children. He carried the youngest child, who was called Gizzy, on his arm. It was a bit of a mess in the gift room, paper was everywhere and the presents were wrapped a bit sloppily. Since Sir Guy suspected that Saint Nicholas' staff may be intellectually challenced, a different approach perhaps was necessary. And why the many presents, clearly not handmade? People here were apparently not used to making things themselves. For example, Guy had made the slippers for his children himself from rabbit fur. His wifes had sewn their clothes. 

“Is everything going well here?”

“Yes sir knight” the helpers said in unison.

“Oh what a sweet child” a clearly endeared girl Pete cried. “Pietepietepiet! And what a lovely hoodie you're wearing!” 

But little Gizzy apparently wasn't pleased at all with this attention and gave girl Pete a smack!

“Ooh!” girl Pete cried and grabbed her nose.

“Sorry..” Guy sounded as if apologetic. “They get combat training at an early age”

The 3 other children laughed mockingly but were admonished to be quiet by Sir Guy. Then he gave instructions on how to work more efficiently and appointed the most sensible Pete to arrange the rest. The three children were allowed to help with this. In the kitchen, the three oldest children had finished the gingerbread dough. Kitchen Pete slid the baking trays into an oven.

“Can we play outside now?” the oldest child asked

“Yes, sure”

With Gizzy still on his arm, Sir Guy made a round through the building and bumped into the Head Piet. Sir Guy didn't notice how his eldest children were peeping from a distance.

“Look, pappy is talking to that silly man who was in the kitchen”

“So, and it's you who makes those decisions?” they heard Head Pete complain, trying to sound firm.

“Sinterklaas has given me the privilige to put things in order." Guy said calmly but stern. "And since you are just hanging around here, maybe.. maybe you should clean the privys”

“That's House Pete's work!” Head Piet protested.

Guy's children, still peeping from a distance got annoyed by this man disobeying their father.

"What silly man, hey I have an idea..” the eldest boy whispered something in his siblings ears.

“Yeah! Let's do that!” they laughed mischievously and ran to the stables.

"So you think you can just take my place?"

"I'm just helping Saint Nicholas out" Guy said calmly while looking into Head Petes eyes who got a bit nervous. 

"Well?" Sir Guy spoke firm but calm. "Get to work" 

“Come on! Clean up poopie!” the little toddler shouted.

Head Piet went off to see Sinterklaas and complain about the way this knight character offended him.

“Head Pete? You here?” Sinterklaas asked when Head Pete came in.

Head Pete immediately started complaining about this stranger just giving him orders!

“I’m still the one calling the shots here!”

“No you’re not,” Sinterklaas said firmly. “You were nowhere to be found so I had to find a replacement through advertising. A very able knight applied and brought his lovely children!”

“But Sint, I was on holiday! I went to Curaçao, didn't you get my card?” 

“No I didn't! You should have planned your holiday better!”

"But it was an offer I could not refuse!"

Sinterklaas had enough, he wouldn't tolerate any complaints any longer and if Head Pete had earned his spurs he might give him his old job back! Head Pete, now ex Head apparently, left Saint Nicholas’s office. He didn't understand what 'earning his spurs' meant. And instead of going to work he walked into the garden. He shouldn't have done that, 'cause suddenly he felt something being thrown at him.

“Shit those bloody kids are throwing clods!”

Bang! Something hit him again. 3 children were standing by the bushes laughing at him. They were now pelting him with brown stuff from all sides, Head Pete didn't see what it was at first but then realized:

“Yuck, horse droppings!” He tried to catch the children but they quickly ran away into the bushes.

“Lovely children? No way!” he cried. Head Pete tried to clean his clothes a little. From a distance Sir Guy had watched in amusement, he didn't seem to find this prank by his offspring naughty at all. He carefully walked up to Head Pete and spoke sternly;

“Not to work yet?”

Head Pete turned around startled and looked into the threatening gaze of Sir Guy. He didn't know what to say for a moment.

“You're dressed for it now,” Sir Guy smirked mockingly. Looking at Gizzy he said “He smells a bit like the stable, doesn't he?” the child laughed happily and gave her father a hug. "It's time for your nap, isn't it?" 

Sir Guy put his little girl to bed, with her favorite cuddly toy, and asked the girl Pete, whom Gizzy smacked earlier, to keep an eye on her. 

"But she doesn't like me very much, does she?"

"Oh I shouldn't worry about that, she's a sweet child really, just a little direct. She got that from me." Sir Guy smiled. 

Head Pete, meanwhile went looking for House Pete to ask if there was anything left to clean.

“Head Pete!” he called. “You're back? And what's that smell?” House Pete saw remnants of horse dung on Head Pete’s clothes. "What happened?" he asked.

“Some bloody kids thought they were funny.”

“Ha ha, you've met Sir Guy's children! Well, Head Pete, you wanted to travel to Easter Island and now Sinterklaas has found a replacement.”

“Right, I've met the gentleman, he wants me to help you clean!” Head Pete sounded irritated. “And I went to Curaçao, which is very affordable these days”

House Pete said he already had finished the cleaning, he only had to place a children's privy in the box bed room. Head Pete better wash his clothes. Meanwhile Sir Guy met with crazy Piet, the one who always came up with a lame joke. The lamer, the better.

“Sir Guy,” he started giggling

“Yes?” Sir Guy responded kindly.

“Where does a knight put his sword?”

Sir Guy thought for a moment and answered:
“Uhm, in a sheath?” and raised his eyebrow mischievously.

“No,” giggled crazy Pete. “In his hoard! Ha ha ha!”

Laughing at his own lame joke, crazy Pete ran off. Sir Guy watched him, shaking his head. Actually he was looking for his eldest children, he found them in the garden. They were sitting on a bench giggling, clearly having a fun time, but when they saw their father approaching, they suddenly went silent.

“Show me your hands?” their father asked sternly. “Just as I thought! Horse droppings!”

The children looked a little ashamed. Their father ordered them to clean up the horse droppings in the garden and bring it to the stable. And after that wash their hands!

"And change your clothes!"

“Yes, pappy,” the children said meekly.

Meanwhile in the kitchen, the gingerbread cookies were ready. But when kitchen Pete tasted one, the taste seemed to be a bit different and the cookie was less crunchy. It tasted a bit odd but not unpleasant. Had he made a mistake while preparing the dough or would his kitchen helpers..? He had to investigate first. That evening, during dinner, he carefully asked whether the children had done something with the dough.

“Well,” the eldest child began carefully and looked at his father a little scared. The latter had stood up and spoke sternly,

“Brimmy, what have you been doing?”

Brimmy quickly explained he had put a medlar in the dough. His father shook his head.

“Thank god it wasn't goats brains” he sighed.

"Goats brains, hi hi hi" his children giggled. Sir Guy smiled to.

But at least the mystery was solved and pappy Guy was no longer angry. That night, the special gingerbread cookies with medlar were put in children's shoes. Head Pete also had taken the nightshift duty, he didn't have much else to do. The next morning it was quiet at the Villa, the Petes who had been on night duty were sleeping. Sir Guy's children were quietly drawing pictures in the living room. Girl Pete kept an eye on things.

“Mummy Elinor makes beautiful pictures too” the child named Kelley said. “She makes a picture book about us every year”

“Yes, and about pappy and the village”

“And she make our cuddly toys”

These cuddly toys made of fabric were mini versions of Sir Guy. The children made colourful drawings of their mothers, their home and pappy on his black horse Ritchie.

Meanwhile Sir Guy was in Sinterklaas’s study discussing important Sinterklaas business. At a certain point a noise came from outside. A group of people outside were chanting slogans. Sinterklaas walked over to the window.

“Oh, it’s those protesters again.” he sighed.

“You mean those people from PUKE?” Sir Guy asked. He drew his sword.

“My Lord, shall I take care of it? I've dealt with outlaws before.”

“They're not outlaws, they're protesters! They’re on the public road, so there isn't much I can do”

“My Lord, these people show disrespect, they should be reprimanded!" Sir Guy insisted. 

Sinterklaas showed reluctance in getting into action, Sir Guy was appalled! This society seemed meek in showing some force when needed.

"But my Lord your staff has been working the night shift! They need their rest. I’ll.. talk to them.”

Before the good Saint could stop him, Sir Guy had already walked out, his sword at the ready. The activists, shouting slogans, saw a gentleman dressed in black approaching with a brisk pace. What was he holding in his hand? He appeared to be dressed in black leather. Just like the well-known ‘Waterthight’ advertisement. Could he be a biker? Or a new kind of Black Pete? Sir Guy could now distinguish the demonstrators better. There were about 25 of them. From the looks of it, the leader was African who was shouting through a device that amplified his voice. The insolence to disturb the peace at the Villa like that!

“Black Pete must go! Soot Pete must go!” the demonstrators chanted fanatically, now they had an audience.

"Clear off! This is private property!” Sir Guy waved his sword and gave the leader his most menacing look. His eyeliner made him look even more menacing.

“Didn't you hear me? Piss off!” Sir Guy pointed his sword at the leader of the group. The protesters, although a bit startled, were not yet deterred and continued shouting their slogans. Some recorded everything with their mobile phones.

“Black Pete must go! Soot Pete must go! Sinterklaas must go!”

“Oh, but they will, after the 5th of december.” Sir Guy said calmly with a smile.

He was now close to the demonstrators and jabbed the black leader with his sword. He reminded Sir Guy of a Saracen. In the Holy Land he had put many to the sword.

“Watch out!” someone shouted “That idiot is going to stab!”

But the ‘Saracen’ stood his ground! He now started shouting something else.

“Free Free Palestine!”

“Free Palestine?” Sir Guy asked in surprise. “If you want to free Palestine, go on a crusade!”

But instead of starting a discussion, the avtivists kept chanting slogans.

“Have you ever been to the Holy Land?” Sir Guy informed. But there was no answer.

"No" he shaked his head while saying that.

Our sturdy knight was getting annoyed. A quick movement with his sword, Guy managed to knock the megaphone out of the hands of the ‘Saracen’. The ‘Saracen’ was slightly injured, some blood ran down his hand.

“Awh!” he shouted, more of fright than pain.

The megaphone had fallen on the grass. Someone tried to reclaim it, but Guy prevented it by waving his sword threateningly. Then something odd happened. Projectiles were fired from the bushes. Cell phones were hit and fell to the ground.

“They’re starting to shoot!” someone shouted anxiously.

They tried to protect themselves with their slogan signs. Someone got a projectile in the face.

“Help, I’ve been hit!” the person yelled.

Sir Guy had taken a few steps back. He realized his mini knights, led by Brimbor, had sprung into action. They fired pebbles with their catapults. The demonstrators cowered. Others tried to film the perpetrators with their cell phones. Then an elderly lady appeared, walking her dog. She wore a blue suit and a nice hat and made it clear she wanted to pass. Guy's mini army had stopped firing when they saw her approach. The demonstrators stepped aside and walked over to the other side of the street. They were in a hurry to be able to report 'public violence'. Sir Guy was surprised.

"I'm glad people still respect the elderly," he said to the lady and put his sword away.

"Oh, you know what, sir, some compatriots like to provoke riots. I really hate that!"

"People still have little respect, but luckily they do for you"

The lady nodded politely and made a move to walk on.

"Ma'am," Sir Guy nodded politely back.

Two men in dark suits walked behind the lady. Hm Sir Guy wondered, they look like bodyguards. Anyway at least peace had returned. He walked towards his children and praised them for their quick action. He didn't know yet that this mouse would have a tail.

That afternoon most of the helpers who had worked the night shift were up again. Head Pete had also woken up. However, he tried to avoid Sir Guy as much as possible, but he always showed up unexpectedly.

"Head Pete!" his chocolate brown voice sounded behind him. "How was your night shift?"

Head Pete turned around startled, and stammered:
"Er.. well I filled shoes and er.. collected wish lists" he laughed a bit nervously because he looked into Sir Guy's blue eyes.

"And what are you going to do next?"

"I was eh on my way to the parcel room"

"To do what?"

“Uh to eh call the shots, yes and tell everyone what to do, right?”

“Call the shots?” Sir Guy had to laugh a little.

In an effort to change the subject Head Pete informed,

"That little girl you had with you yesterday, was it yours?" 

"Yes, that's my youngest, Gizzy. How about you? Do you have any children?"

"Well no" Head Pete replied, trying to avoid Sir Guy's gaze. "But as a Pete we meet a lot of lovely children!"

"You don't have any children of your own?" 

“Uh I don’t have time for all that!”

"What? Have you never laid with a woman before?"

"Er" Head Pete started blushing.

"Well, you still have your chances I suppose. The girl at the stables she's nice isn't she?"

“Uh..” Head Pete never really noticed.

“When I give her a compliment she immediately starts blushing” Sir Guy smiled.

Head Pete got a little nervous, what did Sir Guy want from him? He didn't realize Guy was teasing him a bit.

“Wouldn’t you like.. to cuddle with her in the hay?” Sir Guy had moved a little closer to Head Pete and spoke in a whisper. Now it was Head Pete who had to blush. Startled and confused, he made himself scarce. Sir Guy smiled amused.

On the lawn, twins Kelley and Brimbor were practicing sword fighting with wooden swords, they were wearing vests with Roman numerals. Although a boy and a girl, they looked just like two little boys and resembled their father a lot. They had dark curly hair. They also had soot smears on their faces, so they resembled real soot Petes! The helpers who were watching thought the fighting a bit rough. Sir Guy said they needn't worry. In his home village a tournament for children was held every year.

“Mistress Elinor, their mother, came up with that. She also made the vests with the Roman numerals.”

The purpose was to hit a number with the wooden sword, that's how a score was built up. Kelley and Brimbor already had won a few prizes. There also was an archery competition for girls.

"Their older sister has already won twice," Sir Guy said proudly.

"How nice, is it some kind of sporting event?" a Pete asked. "But she's a girl, doesn't that matter?"

"Well they're equally matched."  Sir Guy replied. Then he revealed something personal,

"Sometimes they drive me to despair, especially Brimmy is quite reckless and has been badly injured a few times. He fell out of a tree once and injured his leg," Sir Guy sounded emotional. "He got a nasty infection and almost died. Fortunately he survived. I thank God every day"

"Oh" the Petes looked at each other, moved. Sir Guy called to his children, they had practiced enough for now and walked towards them. The Petes noticed he gave Brimmy an extra big hug.

 

Sometimes his children drive Sir Guy to despair